A Correspondence – Van Helsing’s as yet unpublished letters to a wife who will never read them. First letter

2 September

Dearest Margrijt,

I have received a telegram today that makes my heart tremble with fear. John Seward is begging me to come to London to attend to a young friend of his, one Lucy Westenra. I am in an agony of indecision, torn as only a condemned soul can be. What shall I do?

I am apart from the world in this room. The occasional rattling of a carriage or voices of passers-by outside seem far away or as coming through a wall much thicker than the glass of my window. I can hear the clock ticking in the hall. The house has never been so still. As if it was holding its breath awaiting my decision.

Maybe there is nothing in it. The request certainly seems straightforward enough. Strictly medical. Why then this suffocating feeling of foreboding? Why do I, who always keep my own counsel, feel suddenly compelled to share my thoughts? And with you, lost in your own mind, who will never read these letters I won’t send.

I hope to God I am wrong.

I did of course tell John I would come. How can I do otherwise? But I am afraid, so very afraid that I will fail him as I failed you.

Forgive me,

Abraham

What is this?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 4 Comments

Fanfiction – of sorts

Tweetings about vampires and their deplorable sparkliness at some point circled round to the classic Dracula, and I remembered something that happened quite a while ago.

Over the years I’ve read Bram Stoker’s Dracula many times, and always find it captivating. But I’ve also always been intrigued by the fact that, except for one entry on Seward’s phonograph and the short Memorandum near the end of the book, Van Helsing’s voice is only ever heard second-hand, via the letters or diary entries of his co-conspirators.

I made the mistake of wondering out loud, what he would have written in his own letters, what his voice would have sounded like without the constraints of not speaking in his native language, what he might have had to say when there was no danger of being overheard. He’s a bit of an ambiguous character, clearly on the side of our heroes, but ruthless at times, troubled at others, and with an uncanny ability to put himself in his enemy’s shoes, begging the ancient question of how alike are the hunter and the hunted? Killer interesting. So why’s the story left to less interesting characters?

The muse’s eyes grew round with excitement. “I bet, he’s been cut out, so the morality of the heroes can stand unquestioned.” Did I mention she gets dramatic?

She waved my efforts at a reply aside. “I want to know,” she said, “why his wife ended up in an asylum.” And then, in her most blood-thirsty voice: “And how did his son die?”

She doesn’t ever budge from a quest. I mean, you can try. All I’m saying is, I’ve never managed. So we set out to find the missing missives (Ha!) and came up with a stack of private letters, very yellowed, and in Dutch. We decided to have them translated and found …

Well, if you’ve never read the novel, the letters are probably confusing. If you didn’t like the novel, you might not find them very interesting. But for the rest of you, I was thinking I’d let you see for yourselves. Starting Sunday, April 21st, I’ll publish the letters here every day. Looking forward to your comments.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 2 Comments

Uhm, yeah, about the shiny

So, it seems the M/M Romance group over on Goodreads has this recurring event called Don’t Read In The Closet, and for 2013 it is Love Has No Boundaries. Readers post pictures and prompts for stories they’d like someone to write for them, and authors grab the prompt and run with it.

So, it seems I’m now writing a story for LHNB. *sheepish grin* It has cute guys and puppies and sex (duh!), and it’s a lot of fun to write. No pressure, no prescribed length or anything – just a sweet li’l love story. It practically writes itself. 😉

If you’re a group member, you can find the prompt and any teasers here.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 1 Comment

I’m way too easily distracted

February saw me derailed again by the shiny. New(old) project, plotting, some writing, realising I can’t get it done by the deadline, shelved.

Then another one that dragged me along by the sheer synergy of great minds plotting. That seems to have petered out a bit due to everyone having to fight on more than one front, and I can’t say I’m all that sorry for now. All those ideas and words are still there, still waiting to be dealt with. They’re not lost; they’ll be picked up in good time.

Meanwhile I’m ruefully returning to Alex and Bengt who I’d lost touch with a bit. It took a few days of (re)plotting and pouring my brains into some plot holes I’d been carrying around from the beginning. A box of crayons and a role of paper later, I’m finally back on track and starting chapter 8.

Tagged , , | 4 Comments

About the ‘Urgh’ and the ‘Meh’ and the ‘Yay’

I’ve had reviews that made me want to kick puppies and reviews that made me want to hug the reviewer personally. Repeatedly. In either case I’ve so far managed to obey the edict and avoid all unsolicited comments. But today I was pointed to a review that bowled me completely out of my groove. In a very good way:

Lambda Literary: Dick Smart’s Romance in Theory and Practice (last review on page)

Holy hell. And did I mention “Holy Hell”? My first reaction was an amazingly uncool squee.

Then I saw the muse, stunned and slack-jawed, pointing at the words ‘Book Two’ before huddling in her favourite blanket in her favourite corner rocking back and forth, succumbing to the pressure of expectation. It’s way too easy to see her point. ‘Santuario’ was about ten years in the making. How can we come up with an adequate sequel in just one or two?

I try to remind her that a lot of the work, the world-building, the characters, the main plot-line are already done.

“It’s a very different book,” she wails.

“Because the guys are at a different point in their lives and relationship.”

“They’re gonna hate it! We’re gonna disappoint everyone!” She tends to speak in dramatic exclamation points when she’s deeply moved.

“People don’t always want the same thing.”

“They do too!” It’s really hard to argue with exclamation points. She stops rocking and reaches for the brown paper bag to hyperventilate. She’s starting to make me very nervous.

At the same time little bubbles of squee keep exploding inside me. I’ll have to coax the muse with their sparkle and keep the jitters confined to a dark corner.

Meanwhile, here’s to wonderful betas and brilliant editors who’ll take no excuses and no prisoners when it comes to telling me to cut the shit.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 4 Comments

The Best of 2012

At some point during the year I thought it would be hard to name my three favourite M/M books of the year, but in the end it turned out to be a piece of cake, because these three are in a league of their own. (I’m including my Goodreads reviews for ease of reference.)

No.3 is the deep, dark and lyrical Angels of the Deep by Kirby Crow. This one will stay with me for a long time. So. Much. Pain. I couldn’t breathe when I finished it, it was so heavy. The darkness is not without hope or redemption, but even the comparatively positive ending has an elegiac quality to it. I felt every ounce of the weight of the world that Beck carries on his shoulders.

So why read it? Because all that gravitas is cloaked in an opheliac beauty reminiscent of Rimbaud. Lush, vivid, richly detailed descriptions that engage all the senses. I too rarely come across a modern author who dares and is able to use the whole stunning palette of the English language with such lyrical perfection. (I suspect I would start to read the Income Tax Act if Kirby Crow wrote it.)

Playlist: Nick Cave’s Murder Ballads, Bruckner’s 8th Symphony and Björk’s Dancer in the Dark (and if that doesn’t tell you what to expect, nothing will)

No.2 is Dark Soul: The Complete Collection by Aleksander Voinov, who I’m lucky enough to call a friend, and who’s easily my all time favourite M/M author.

Dark Soul is an intense, hot, beautifully crafted ride. I’m glad I waited for the whole collection, because I found this utterly unputdownable.

And, for the record, I’ll never, ever get over the knife/gun play at the beginning. I think my book falls open on page 16. That, incidentally, is also my choice of hottest sex scene 2012.

No.1, Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander, was a dark horse for me, a complete surprise. And it blew me away. The sensuality of it, the irreverence, the edge-of-seat plot, the voice, the dialogues, the emotions that are all the more powerful for their understatement. And I don’t even like first person narrators. Absolute stunner. Go, read it.

If the selection in 2013 is even half as good as those three, we’re in for a brilliant reading year.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 4 Comments

A Very Merry, Happy Whatever You’re Into

Hope y’all find some time to breathe, consolidate your super powers, reflect on the past year and make plans for the next one.

I’ll be taking a few days off to visit family and friends, distribute presents and eat too many goodies. I should be back just in time to see the old year off and usher the new one in.

What do I want for Christmas? Nothing much. Just some world peace. With a bow on top. Pretty please?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Finishing Chapter 4

I think I finally got a grip on that last scene in chapter 4 yesterday and how to give an idea of internal turmoil without a lot of navel gazing. Hoping to finish that this week, so I can move on to a very seasonal chapter 5.

The muse is being her assholey self and throwing plot bunnies at me left and right. Some of them I’m filing (hutching?) away for later use, some of them are so out of the blue that I can only give her a wtf look. Like, a Christmas story? I don’t really do Christmas stories. I got murders to plot and characters to torture. Which part of that gave you the idea I’ll write a Christmas story? Now, be a good little muse and focus on friggin’ chapter 5. (I’ll so pay for that line. )

Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Twitter Tuesday

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/RiptideBooks/status/273494784457441281″]

[blackbirdpie url=”https://twitter.com/RiptideBooks/status/273495164973109248″]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Muse Wars

I’ve had a number of requests to make the muse wars from the Santuario book launch tour available as a single, easily bookmarked post. So, here ya go:

The Spark
I bet most of us have at one point or another in our lives dreamed about a better world, a perfect world without murder or war or … I’d run out of space long before completing that list. The specific dream that inspired Santuario was related to an incident of gay bashing that made me long (not for the first time) for a world where people can just be who they are without fear. It doesn’t take much to set the gears in my writer brain spinning and the muse scrambling. “What if?” questions are a surefire way to do it. What if there was a world without homophobia? What parameters would I need to change to end up with a society (still human) like that? What existing or historical cultures (if any) accept homosexuality as just another way of life, and how do they differ from those that don’t? What underlying causes–

At this point the muse kicked me forcefully in the shins. “Are you seriously contemplating to write about a perfect world?” she asked.
I was all fired up and ready to go. Of course I did.
“Moron,” she said.
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
“It’s going to tank,” she said, and proceeded to tick the whys off her delectable fingers: “No drama, no tension, no development. Why would anyone want to read that?”
“Because it’s beautiful.”
“It’ll bore people to tears after the first paragraph. I’m not interested.”
“Fine, I’ll do it without you then.”
She smirked. She knows full well I can’t get anything worthwhile done without her.
I caved. “Any ideas?”
“Kaboom,” she said.
“Huh?” I said. I can be very eloquent that way.
“You can have your perfect culture. If I can throw in a scary and cruel one.”
“And?”
“And kaboom!”
“But I want a world without kaboom.”
“You want a story. Kaboom!”

I swear, that’s how it happened. That was the spark that ignited Santuario. We took it from there and ran with it. Of course it was by no means the last clash between the muse and me. She’s opinionated, and a drama queen. Me, I’m perfectly reasonable, of course.

Background
So, the muse and I agreed (sort of) on a perfect society pitched against a cruel, scary one. Now we’d just have to figure out the setting. Right? Needless to say the muse was not that easily satisfied.
“Get real,” she said. “Perfect society. I thought you wanted it to be a human society.”
“Yeees?” I’m slow to catch on sometimes.
“Well, if it’s human, it’s not going to be perfect. It might be better and more egalitarian and maybe even fairer than what we have now (like that’s so hard), but it’s still going to have greed and envy and fear and all those other things humans carry around with them them wherever they go.”

She had a point. And I admit that only grudgingly. So an almost perfect society, then. But where? I confess to being intrigued by the idea of frontiers, a handful of people carrying only the bare necessities, being dumped in the middle of nowhere. There are so many different ways this can play out. I decided it was the perfect scenario for my benevolent society.

“What frontier?” the muse, always helpful, wanted to know.
“Some planet. They leave earth in a generation ship and settle on a world far, far away.”
“Which supports human life,” she scoffed.
“It got terraformed before they landed.”
“That’s some technology.”
“It’s the future. Work with me, here.”
“Hmmm, what about my scary society? Are they on the same ship?”
“Naawww, they come later. My good guys need a chance to develop peacefully first.”
“So, how come they end up on the same planet?”
“Some glitch? It’s not really important for our story.”
“Could be for another one.”
“Yeah, maybe, I’ll work on it. But can we concentrate on this one first?”

Here, she probably rolled her eyes at me. She does that a lot. But at least she agreed with me on background. Two cultures, rooted in a distant earth past that developed separately on the same planet, and–

“Separately?” chirped the muse. “How come?”
“The ones who were there first were afraid and told the new guys they had to settle somewhere else?”
“Wait, the new guys are the bad ones, right?”
“Right?”
“So your good guys kicked them out? Told you they weren’t perfect.”

Did I mention how much I hate it when she’s right? To make matters worse I was starting to get really interested in this idea of how “good” a culture can actually be. Without needs, wants, competition, things to fear, what drives us? Is there a tipping point? Or more than one? Into total control? Or total petrifaction? And if there is, how and where do we keep the balance?

“How giant an info dump were you planning on again?” asked the muse.
“Oh, shush. This is still background.”
“Yeah, but for at least three books, not one.”

I didn’t say anything. I’m absolutely positive that I didn’t. But she must have read something in my eyes, because she started smiling that beatific smile that tells me she’s happy. We just stared and grinned at each other for a bit, and then we started world building.

World building
We were trying to create a (almost) perfect society (mine) and a scary, cruel society (hers). I wanted my guys to start their settlement in a place where they’d have to huddle and rely heavily on each other. So the planet they were trying to settle had its main landmass in one big continent around the north pole, much of it too cold for permanent settlements, but with a more temperate zone along its coastlines (think Finland, Canada, that sort of thing). I was also reasoning that whoever prepared the planet and selected the people for the trip would know that and round up volunteers from the northern countries, like Scandinavia and Iceland, mutual language roots being considered a plus and over time coalescing into the Skanian I use in the book.

The muse started to tap her fingers. An incessant nail on wood noise, designed to break my concentration and drive me bonkers.
“What?” I snarled.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” She smiled sweetly at me. “Where do my people end up?”
“I don’t care, some rock in the equatorial zone that’s too hot for my Vikings.”
“A rock?” She has a pretty pout, but I mainly wanted to get on with my settlers.
“Fine, an island. Don’t push it.”
“How big?” she immediately shot back.
“Would have to be a decent size, allow for some agriculture and general development. Something the size of Britain.”
“I want palm trees. And beaches.”
“Whatever.” I still had Vikings to get back to. “It’s not going to be Paradise, though. Remember, these are the bad guys. Let’s see, by the time they leave Earth, things have taken a turn for the worse, the terraforming technology has been lost or sabotaged, so they need to be sent to an already prepped planet.”
She nodded. “And since everyone wants to get off Earth, it’s a jumbled mess of nations on the ship.”
“Predominant languages Chinese and English?”
She gave me her best don’t-be-stupid look. “Been done. Gimme your Firefly card back. We’ll take Russian and Spanish, with maybe English as a lingua franca.”
I forgave her. I was starting to get caught up in her fantasy. “They’re used to ‘everyone for themselves’ kind of thinking.”
“So when they land, the strongest hog the valuable resources (the ship) and set everyone else to work.”
“Over time establishing a ruling class.”
She smiled. A pretty scary smile, now that I come to think of it. “Who controls the rabble with access to firearms.”
“A personal army. Like the Savaks.”
“The Securitate.”
“The Tonton Macoute.”
“The Gestapo.”
“Okay, enough. I still have some Vikings to get settled here. Your guys are not coming for hundreds of years.”
She admired her nails. “They’ll be in the book. So anything before they arrive is background.”
“It’s world building. It shapes the people that’ll be in the book.”
“What people?”

Character building
Want to meet the guys? So did I. In that respect Santuario was an out of the ordinary book for me, because it started with an idea. More often than not my stories start with a character, a voice in my head that won’t shut up until they’ve told me everything I never wanted to know about them, and then some. This one was different. I had background (one near perfect, one scary society), I had setting (the planet they both settled on), but I didn’t hear any voices. Now, for most people this might be a good thing. For me it’s a disaster.

In a rare show of agreement the muse and I decided on one character from each of the two cultures (because she wanted kaboom), and that they would both be cops (because I like me a good mystery). After that? Crickets. I put the story idea aside and wrote a whole other book, completely different genre, then tried again. Nothing happened. The truth is, I can build worlds, I can build plots, but I can’t, for the life of me, ‘build’ characters. I tried different character sheets, and filled them all in with eye color, and favorite foods, and all that sugar. And when I poked what I’d made, it wasn’t moving. I’d made a puppet. Dead, Jim.

Characters form somewhere in my subconscious, so deep down that I can’t see anything. They need amorphous influences to form, mood, style, atmosphere. So I got busy thinking about plot and what the muse’s darn island looked like. It was somewhere hot, and she’d wanted palm trees and beaches. I wanted hills and dusty roads, and hovels in villages, and cities like ancient Granada. Just as we’d discovered skeletons in the closet of my perfect society, I now discovered beauty in her cruel one. When I started collecting songs for my playlist (I always write with music) I realized I was picking mostly Son Cubano. And I noticed someone dancing to it. Just a shadow at first, long legs, a wide brimmed hat, definitely male, definitely a man with rhythm in every bone of his body.

I had to clear my throat.
“Shhhhh,” said the muse. “Don’t scare him away.”

He briefly looked over at that, his face completely deadpan; then he looked away again. Over the next few days I noticed more details about him, but he wasn’t talking to me. I got emotions, very suppressed for the most part, except for a strong sense of longing, but no voice. Still, I knew who he was. I knew what made him tick. And I started writing. That was Alex.

Bengt was a lot harder. He talked all the time. I knew everything about his family, his boss, his house. I knew he was this huge, blond guy with a taste for good food and quality clothes. But all the while his talking kept me at arm’s length. I realized he had a secret, and that I wouldn’t know the real Bengt, until I figured out what it was. But *that* wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. That was ‘ancient history’ and ‘none of my business’. He needed a bit more … persuasion. And, let me tell you, Bengt is not an easy guy to wrestle into compliance. But the muse? She kicks ass, even Skanian ones. So we finally got there.

I’d written two full chapters of Alex before I typed one word of Bengt. But once that started, it just kept going. They don’t ever shut up. They’re in my head 24/7. Santuario? Is just the beginning.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment